Every Year Millions of New Years Resolutions are made and never
fulfilled. Why? There is a simple answer that lies deep in the human
Psyche. It has been discussed since biblical times and is one of the
great secrets of success.
Last week someone asked me to define success while having this very discussion on New Years Resolutions. After thinking about it for a while, I had to say for the context of this discussion, success is achieving all of your New Years Resolutions, nothing else.
Since we can define success in so many different ways, I think it is fair for the discussion of New Years Resolutions to define success in this way. After all if you don't achieve all of your New Years Resolutions, it doesn't mean you are not successful. It just means that you aren't successful in regards to the specific resolutions.
So what is this great secret? Really it is a simple truth we all know inside. Thousands of books have been written about it. Some just in reference to New Years Resolutions even. Millions more books discuss it directly or indirectly.
What makes it even more ironic is that we can see the answers to other peoples obstacles to success, and have no idea what our obstacles are. Some people choose to just say "what can you do" and move on. This is probably the best way of dealing with it unless someone specifically asks for advice.
I have learned in my years as an instructor pilot, business coach and marketing expert that many people are so ingrained in their comfort zone that they don't want to know why they fail. It took me a long time to stop giving advice when it wasn't asked for and even longer to stop giving advice until I knew that someone was ready to receive it and give it value.
One of my coaches made a great point, he said "Don't ever give away advice for free because that is the value the person will put on it." He was right. The business owners who paid me for advice did much better than those who I just gave advice too.
Just in case you are wondering, yes, coaches do get coached, mostly because we know the value of an extra set of eyes looking at the problem and keeping us on track.
The great secret really is "Be careful what you ask for." Those words carry two meanings when it comes to New Years Resolutions. Lets say you want to lose weight as I did last year. There are two sides to the losing weight equation. One side is diet and exercise the other side is lifestyle. Like all equations, in order to change the weight on the lifestyle side of the equation, then the diet, exercise and activity levels have to change on the other side.
If you ask to lose weight but don't ask for a change in diet, exercise and activity to accompany it, you have asked to fail before you even start.
The other meaning of being careful what you ask for is the unintended consequences. You may find that the changes required in your life effect too many other things, so you aren't able to lose the weight.
All of us are great at saying we'll do things. New Years is no exception. We all like to get the attention when we announce to our friends that we are going to lose thirty pounds or pay off a credit card or stop smoking. Like all highs, there is that low when you don't do what you said. Even if your friends don't say anything, you have said to yourself, it is OK to fail.
The secret success is to only ask for things that have real meaning to you, and you are willing to accept the sacrifice that goes with it. If you really want to lose weight, know that you aren't going to be able to have dessert and dinner out as often. If you want to pay off a credit card, know that you will have to put off buying some things. If you want to quit smoking, know that you won't get to take the "smokers breaks" and hang out on the patio.
A different mentor, told me that I should never tell the world what I was going to do. Instead, he said, show them after you did it. Some will call it bragging, others will call it inspiring. It just depends on how you present it.
Last year when I resolved to lose twenty pounds and hadn't lost 2 by June, most people would have given up. If you are there next June, don't give up. So far I lost 30 pounds and that was just one of the two resolutions I made and kept in 2012. I call them a success.
I have my resolutions for 2013, check back and I'll tell you what I did. You do the same. If you want to mail a copy to someone in a sealed envelope that you can open and toast on New Years Eve 2013. That would be a fun way to prove you set out to do it ahead of time. Call it your time capsule for success.
Happy New Year.
Last week someone asked me to define success while having this very discussion on New Years Resolutions. After thinking about it for a while, I had to say for the context of this discussion, success is achieving all of your New Years Resolutions, nothing else.
Since we can define success in so many different ways, I think it is fair for the discussion of New Years Resolutions to define success in this way. After all if you don't achieve all of your New Years Resolutions, it doesn't mean you are not successful. It just means that you aren't successful in regards to the specific resolutions.
So what is this great secret? Really it is a simple truth we all know inside. Thousands of books have been written about it. Some just in reference to New Years Resolutions even. Millions more books discuss it directly or indirectly.
What makes it even more ironic is that we can see the answers to other peoples obstacles to success, and have no idea what our obstacles are. Some people choose to just say "what can you do" and move on. This is probably the best way of dealing with it unless someone specifically asks for advice.
I have learned in my years as an instructor pilot, business coach and marketing expert that many people are so ingrained in their comfort zone that they don't want to know why they fail. It took me a long time to stop giving advice when it wasn't asked for and even longer to stop giving advice until I knew that someone was ready to receive it and give it value.
One of my coaches made a great point, he said "Don't ever give away advice for free because that is the value the person will put on it." He was right. The business owners who paid me for advice did much better than those who I just gave advice too.
Just in case you are wondering, yes, coaches do get coached, mostly because we know the value of an extra set of eyes looking at the problem and keeping us on track.
The great secret really is "Be careful what you ask for." Those words carry two meanings when it comes to New Years Resolutions. Lets say you want to lose weight as I did last year. There are two sides to the losing weight equation. One side is diet and exercise the other side is lifestyle. Like all equations, in order to change the weight on the lifestyle side of the equation, then the diet, exercise and activity levels have to change on the other side.
If you ask to lose weight but don't ask for a change in diet, exercise and activity to accompany it, you have asked to fail before you even start.
The other meaning of being careful what you ask for is the unintended consequences. You may find that the changes required in your life effect too many other things, so you aren't able to lose the weight.
All of us are great at saying we'll do things. New Years is no exception. We all like to get the attention when we announce to our friends that we are going to lose thirty pounds or pay off a credit card or stop smoking. Like all highs, there is that low when you don't do what you said. Even if your friends don't say anything, you have said to yourself, it is OK to fail.
The secret success is to only ask for things that have real meaning to you, and you are willing to accept the sacrifice that goes with it. If you really want to lose weight, know that you aren't going to be able to have dessert and dinner out as often. If you want to pay off a credit card, know that you will have to put off buying some things. If you want to quit smoking, know that you won't get to take the "smokers breaks" and hang out on the patio.
A different mentor, told me that I should never tell the world what I was going to do. Instead, he said, show them after you did it. Some will call it bragging, others will call it inspiring. It just depends on how you present it.
Last year when I resolved to lose twenty pounds and hadn't lost 2 by June, most people would have given up. If you are there next June, don't give up. So far I lost 30 pounds and that was just one of the two resolutions I made and kept in 2012. I call them a success.
I have my resolutions for 2013, check back and I'll tell you what I did. You do the same. If you want to mail a copy to someone in a sealed envelope that you can open and toast on New Years Eve 2013. That would be a fun way to prove you set out to do it ahead of time. Call it your time capsule for success.
Happy New Year.
Scott Bourquin is a Business Coach and Online Marketing Expert. You can follow his blog at scottbourquin.com">http://www.scottbourquin.com or on twitter @ScottBourquin
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